What Women Dentists Really Want to Know:
How to Confront Your Staff

Judy, a dentist in Indiana, asks:

How can I tell my staff they’re not doing what they’re supposed to be doing, when they’re my friends and I don’t want them to be angry?

Judy's main concern was how to confront and possibly terminate an employee who displayed surprising, inconsistent attitude shifts that adversely affected her customer service and general performance. While I was talking to Judy about her intention to terminate this staff member eventually, I discovered that she was about to hold a salary review with the person—and planned to give her an increase! Why? Because Judy didn’t want to be perceived as “not nice.” In fact, after concluding that the staff member had psychological problems, Judy was even going to offer to pay for therapy.

Although I want my staff to respect and like me, I believe the kindest thing I can offer them is my honesty. This means giving them black-and-white boundaries, expectations, and guidelines—and holding them accountable. If you have a staff member whose mother denied her cereal in her formative years, and she has been searching the world for cornflakes ever since, that baggage may prevent the person from providing excellent teamwork, customer service, and clinical care. If so, the person cannot be a member of your team. And you must confront this.

Confrontation isn’t easy. If I had a nickel for every staff issue that made me squirm, I’d be retired and confronting coconuts. Confrontation requires the courage to look someone in the eye and say: “This is what I’m getting. This is what I need. You have a choice to make.” If you take the Scarlet O’Hara approach and keep putting off unpleasant tasks until tomorrow, you won't achieve the low-stress practice with high morale, profitability, and efficiency that every dentist yearns for.

The best way to confront someone is through dialog, which means “to converse” and “to exchange ideas,” implying self-reflection, curiosity, and a nonjudgmental approach. To handle staff situations with curiosity means that we must be willing to be wrong, even when the facts seem to point to a different conclusion. If a staff member is late, irritable, or lax in collecting payments, it may seem cut-and-dry that the person is in the wrong. So, how do you approach staff issues like these with curiosity? It’s done by asking questions. This method calms your emotions, suspends your pre-conceived judgment, and establishes a dialog. It helps put you in the other person’s shoes and understand his or her perspective. Ask the person questions such as: What do you think about what happened? What was your intention in doing what you did? Is there something preventing you from doing it the way you were trained?

In the case of the staff member with the erratic behavior, Judy might ask: In what ways might her behavior be more understandable? Could her work schedule provide little time for focusing on customer service? Could I be doing something that is causing her stress? None of these hypotheses need be true. They simply move the doctor from the attitude, “I’m right and you’re wrong,” to a frame of mind conducive to begin a dialog. Judy might say to the staff member, “There continues to be erratic behavior affecting your teamwork and customer service. I'm really curious about this. What are the obstacles that get in the way of your being consistent?”

A good dialog will not necessarily result in the staff member seeing her wayward ways and transforming into the ideal employee. It may end with the person acknowledging that there are outside factors preventing her from meeting your expectations. In any case, people function so much better when there are black-and-white expectations, and when these are communicated to them in a helpful, collaborative way. The conversation may result in Judy saying to the staff member, “I really appreciate how much distress is going on in your personal life that is preventing you from being consistent, and that can’t continue here, so it sounds as though you have some decisions to make.” How respectful it is to provide the staff member the choice of changing or not, and of knowing the consequences of that choice.

When Judy viewed confrontation as a dialog, approached it in a nonjudgmental way, asked questions, was open-minded and not accusatory, she found that it was far easier to do than she had ever imagined. Yes, her staff member is no longer there; however, they parted with an embrace and mutual respect. Who could ask for more?

Amy Morgan is CEO and lead trainer of Pride Institute.

Originally published in Woman Dentist Journal , April 2007